It’s essential to keep that spark going in your relationship, regardless of how long you’ve been together. Although consistency can be nice in a relationship, variation from the everyday routine is necessary to keep things interesting. If you are in a monogamous relationship, the variety needs to come from inside.
There is nothing better than spending days on an exotic island sipping coconut-flavoured drinks, but you also want to find ways to energize your relationship in your everyday lives.
Let’s go physical.
A healthy relationship depends on physical contact. This includes sex, but so much more. Hug your partner, rub his back, hold his hand, or give him a massage. Touch releases oxytocin, which is known to give a range of health benefits, including making us feel closer, being more generous, and even boosting our immune systems.
I can see you. Follow your spouse around at all times, even when you are having X-rated times with her. What would you do if you knew you were being observed? Friendly, considerate, tolerant? Act like that every time you are with your partner.
From time to time we all mess up, say things we later regret or make mistakes. Yet, so often we justify our actions to ourselves and our partners. Resentment and defensiveness are not ingredients for a happy relationship. Admit your mistakes and move on. Your partner will appreciate it.
Be attentive to your partner.
Be attentive to your partner. You must first listen—listen—to your partner. First, ask about his day, then show interest. (If you have trouble being interested, practice your empathy skills.) One client who came in because he and his wife were contemplating divorce lamented, “She never even asks me about my day.” Instead, she complains about hers.
Obtain outside support and interest.
Even your best friend will not be able to meet all your needs — from stress manager to mentor to conflict resolver to chick-flick watcher to sports fan. You need to have additional sources of support. Doing so will take pressure off of your partner. Do what is best for you. It’s great to do things together. However, you should also respect your passions and follow them.
If visiting Target is your most exotic weekend activity, it’s time to broaden your horizons. You don’t need a lot of cash or vacation days. Do something fun together. You could go on a hike, watch a funny movie, eat in a new restaurant, take a class together, volunteer, or work out together. Anything new and positive will boost your relationship.